On Bringing Back Ability Damage

In D&D 3.5e, we had Ability Damage. Things (especially poison, but also other stuff, especially various creatures) could deal damage directly to an ability score -- if you take 1d6 Strength Damage, your Strength score goes down by 1d6 (so your Strength modifier correspondingly goes down by about half of 1d6).

If any of your Abilities reach 0 from damage, you are, depending on the Ability, paralyzed (a physical score), unconscious (a mental score), or dead (Constitution). If you take an 8-hour sleep, you heal damage in each damaged Ability by 1; if you take a 24-hour sleep, you heal each by 2. You can also take Ability Drain, which is basically the same but it doesn't heal without magic.

The designers of 5th Edition, of course, judged this all absurdly fiddly and mathy -- not only do you have to track each of your current Ability scores separate from your actual Ability scores (plus keep track of how much is Damage and how much is Drain), you also have to do the (x-10)/2 (rounded down) thing for each one to calculate your current and actual Ability modifiers -- and, probably rightly and correctly, dispensed with the whole thing.

I do find its loss very mildly unfortunate. It did allow a fair bit of differentiation between monsters. This guy just paralyzes you, that guy gradually makes you more sluggish until you're paralyzed, the other guy makes you dumber until you're paralyzed, and so on.

To the rescue: the OSR stylings of Swedish TTRPG Dragonbane!

In Dragonbane, each Ability score can have or not have a Condition. If you have a Condition in an Ability score, every time you roll that Ability for anything, you simply roll with what in 5e would be called Disadvantage (in Dragonbane, it's called a "Bane").

Porting that back to 5e, we could, while maintaining a high level of simplicity, have 3 (or even 4) levels of "ability score damage":

• Regular, undamaged (roll normally)
  If you then fail a save vs Ability Damage:
• Damaged (all rolls with that Ability have disadvantage)
  If you then fail another save vs Ability Damage in an already-damaged Ability:
• Paralyzed/Unconscious (or, if Constitution, unconscious and making Death saves)
  We could also introduce some sort of blessing/boon/etc that goes the other direction:
  
• Blessed or something (all rolls with that Ability have advantage, with the side benefit that you have an extra level of buffer against Ability Damage to that Ability -- failing a save vs Ability Damage when you're blessed in that Ability just brings you down to normal)

We could take Dragonbane's names for the Conditions (Exhausted, Sickly, Dazed, Angry, Scared, and Disheartened), some of which are already used in 5e (plus the term "Condition" itself has a 5e meaning, too). We could just call them Bane and Boon to Abilities, terms which are mostly not already in use.

The "Every NPC Is Miles O'Brien" Principle

My best recent session in terms of player engagement was one where NPCs (whom the players like) suffered a bunch.

You can inflict all sorts of terrible stuff on NPCs that it's not cool to do to PCs. E.g., the PCs in one game I'm currently running are students at a school, so inflicting annoying bullying on them is cruel and unusual and potentially triggering of real-life trauma, but inflicting bullying on their NPC girlfriends was perfectly kosher (and then the PCs get to be Big Damn Heroes about it and rescue their girlfriends from the bullying).

Killing beloved NPCs is, of course, a drastic, uncreative, and cliche step. This is most notorious as a phenomenon where every PC begins as an orphan, so the DM can't mess with their family, because some DMs absolutely will have the Big Bad murder every PC family at the earliest opportunity.

But imagine your PC gets word from home that your parents are being extorted, threatened, or have been kidnapped -- at least as effective a motivator of PC action and investment as having the family killed, plus they get the satisfaction of saving their family at the end of the adventure.

It all boils down to a principle I've come to call "Every NPC Is Miles O'Brien", where any time engagement is flagging you throw an "O'Brien Must Suffer" session at the party. (Named after the writers' habit from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine of writing an "O'Brien Must Suffer" episode at least once a season, because Miles O'Brien was the most likeable everyman in a cast full of alien lizard spies and cops made of goo and goofy capitalist aliens and whatnot.)

Ettin Newcanon

Ettins, ubues, and other giants with extra heads or limbs, are all results of a semi-rare disorder in trolls, sometimes arising spontaneously, sometimes resulting from slashing blows that land in just the right place, where an extra head and/or one or more extra limbs are "re"generated. Such creatures generally lack the natural keen regenerative abilities of trolls, as their natural regeneration is too busy keeping them alive as these abominations to keep up with incoming damage as effectively.

On Fish-People

I have long complained that, of all the array of fish-people and seafolk available in D&D, they're all kind of samey. Let's see, we've got...

• Merfolk are people with a fish tail
• Tritons are people who live underwater and are just kind of slightly fishy -- in earlier editions, they were at least Outsider(native)s, which is something to latch on to. (Although it does make them kind of overlap with water genasi -- but without it, they instead overlap with, like sea elves.)
• Locathah are just kind of generically fishy, although in earlier editions they kind of looked like the Creature from the Black Lagoon
• Sahuagin are just kind of generically fishy, albeit with a telepathic connection to sharks
• Kuo-toa are just kind of generically fishy, albeit also slimy

So let's see what I did with that to make it a little less boring (and also options for player characters, because my setting is so heavy on seafolk)...

Merfolk

Species Traits

• Ability Score Increases: Your Dexterity score increases by 2, and your Charisma score increases by 1.
• Type: Your type is Humanoid.
• Size: Your size is Medium.
• Speed: You have a land speed of 10 feet and a swim speed and a swim speed of 40 feet. You begin play with a free Combat Wheelchair, which grants a land speed of 25 feet.)
• Amphibious: You can breathe both air and water.
• Versatility: You gain one free skill proficiency of your choice and one free tool proficiency of your choice.
• Languages: You can read, write, and speak Common and Aquan.

Triton

In previous editions, tritons were native outsiders. In mine, they're still immigrants from the Hellish Plane of Water. So...

Species Traits

As in Mordenkainen Presents: Monsters of the Multiverse, except:

• You have the Humanoid and Elemental types. If any favorable effect would affect either of your types, it affects you. If any unfavorable effect would affect one of your types but not the other, you can be affected by it but you have advantage on saves against it. If any effect would affect neither of your types, you are immune to it. If any effect would affect both of your types, you do not gain immunity or resistance to it from your types. 

Sahuagin

Notwithstanding recent efforts to make them, like, green and lizardy, Sahuagin can just be shark-people.

Species Traits

• Ability Score Increase: Your Strength score increases by 2, and your Wisdom score increases by 1.
• Type: Your type is Humanoid.
• Size: Sahuagin are larger than humans, ranging from 6 to 7 feet tall. Your size is Medium.
• Speed: You have a base land speed of 30 ft, and you have a swim speed equal to your land speed.
• Superior Darkvision: Within 120 feet, you can see in dim light as if it were bright light, and in darkness as if it were dim light. You can't discern color in darkness, only shades of gray.
• Limited Amphibiousness: You can breathe both air and water. However, you cannot receive the benefits of a Short or Long rest unless you are fully submerged in water for the entire duration of your rest.
• Frenzy: On your turn when you reduce a creature to 0 hit points, you can use a bonus action to move up to your speed and make an additional weapon attack against another creature you can target.
• Shark Telepathy: You can telepathically speak to any shark within 120 feet of you.
• Claws and Bite: Your claws and bite are natural weapons, which you can use to make unarmed strikes. If you hit with them, you deal slashing (claws) or piercing (bite) damage equal to 1d4 + your Strength modifier, instead of the bludgeoning damage normal for an unarmed strike.
• Languages: You know Common and Sahuagin.

Kuo-Toa

Kuo-toa shall be anglerfish, complete with anglerfish sexual dynamics: 

• Males are Tiny Beasts with 1 Intelligence (using the Quipper statblock).
• Females are Medium Humanoids (using the Kuo-Toa statblock, or the species traits here).

Biologically female Kuo-Toa have six genders (Up, Down, Charm, Strange, Top, and Bottom), which they borrowed from the sexual hexamorphism of the Aboleths they chill with. It's not well-understood by surface-dwellers how romantic combinations of these genders works.

Species Traits

• Ability Score Increase: Your Strength score increases by 2. Your Constitution score increases by 1.
• Type: Your type is Humanoid.
• Size: Your size is Medium.
• Speed: You have 30 foot land speed and swim speed equal to your land speed.
• Superior Darkvision: Within 120 feet, you can see in dim light as if it were bright light, and in darkness as if it were dim light. You can't discern color in darkness, only shades of gray.
• Amphibious: You can breathe air and water.
• Sunlight Sensitivity: You have disadvantage on attack rolls and Wisdom (Perception) checks that rely on sight when you, the target of the attack, or whatever you are trying to perceive is in direct sunlight.
• Otherworldly Perception: You can sense the presence of any creature within 30 feet of you that is invisible or on the Ethereal Plane. You can pinpoint such a creature that is moving.
• Slippery: You have advantage on ability checks and saving throws made to escape a grapple.
• Bite: Your bite is a natural weapon, which you can use to make unarmed strikes. If you hit with it, you deal piercing damage equal to 1d4 + your Strength modifier, instead of the bludgeoning damage normal for an unarmed strike.
• Languages: You know Common and Kuo-Toan.

Locathah 

I decided Locathah should be axolotl-folk.

The main deal with axolotls is that they are actually the tadpole form of a salamander which just never metamorphoses, just grows to an adult size instead. Thyroid hormone can be administered to induce metamorphosis into a salamander that hasn't been seen in the wild for millions of years. So, naturally, axolotl-folk can do that with magic.

Species Traits

As in Locathah Rising (Extra Life 2019), except:

• Replace the listed Limited Amphibiouisness trait with:
• Limited Amphibiousness. You can breathe both air and water. However, you cannot receive the benefits of a Short or Long rest unless you are fully submerged in water for the entire duration of your rest.

Feat: Metamorphosed

A Locathah shaman can cast the Ceremony spell on another Locathah to induce metamorphosis into a super-adult stage.

Prerequisites

• Locathah species.
• You must be under the effects of the Coming of Age Ceremony cast by a Locathah shaman at time of feat selection.

Effect

• You lose the effect of your Limited Amphibiousness trait, and are now fully amphibious -- you can breathe both air and water, and do not need to be submerged in water to gain the benefits of a Short or Long Rest.
• You have Resistance to Poison damage.
• Your skin turns a vivid color and begins to secrete a poisonous toxin. If you are hit by a Bite attack, the attacker takes 1d6 Poison damage. If you are subject to the Swallow Whole ability, the creature that swallows you takes xd6 poison damage on your turn every round you are swallowed, where x is equal to your Constitution modifier (minimum 1).
• You can harvest your own poison as per the rules in the Dungeon Master's Guide, except you do not need to be incapacitated or dead; you are not immune to your own poison, but you remain Resistant to its Poison damage. The harvested poison can be used as-is or refined:
• When used as-is, this is an Ingested poison that deals 2d6 Poison damage, Constitution save negates. A dose of this poison lasts for 24 hours before it becomes inert.
• Refining the poison follows the Crafting rules, but you have unlimited access to the ingredients. When refined, it becomes a dose of Pale Tincture poison, which lasts indefinitely until use.

The Year Hoobynoob Unaccountably Contrived to Come on Freday the 13th of Octember

Through some celestial mishap or accounting error, for some reason, Hoobynoob falls on Freday the 13th of Octember, in this, the 47th year of the Subsidence. Normally, of course, Hoobynoob falls on the 30th, the last day of Octember. The 13th of Octember doesn't normally even fall on a Freday -- it is typically a Munday.

This calendrical irregularity is known for certain: all the experts agree on this unusual occurrence -- the astrologers; the astronomers; the druids and rangers of Sequoia (who counts the months and weeks, the planets and stars, under her purview); the calendricians and calendrometers; we even asked the janitor, as they know of these things.

Amongst the populace, once the confusion is overcome -- or at least set aside -- the yearly observance of Hoobynoob proceeds as usual, albeit on the 13th. In Endeesy, capital of Gus: gourds are carved; nuts are harvested; costumes are prepared; candies and sweets are purchased or crafted in bulk in preparation for the traditional mass extortion, on threat of prankery, by children.

When the 13th of Octember arrives -- on a Freday, just as (unusually) ordained -- the morning sneaks into Endeesy foggily. The day slugs by: children growing increasingly excited, adults growing increasingly wary of danger, the weather growing increasingly foggy and moist-smelling.

When treat-or-tricking time arrives, it is nigh impossible to find one's way in the fog. But, through some divine Dalyan providence, unusually alert priests of Dalya, and widespread use of the Buddy System, no children are separated from their guardians for long.

The children return to their homes, feast on junk food, and repair engorgedly to their beds. After the foggy day and foggier evening, it looks like it has been another successful Hoobynoob, profitable for the children and fun for all ages! Parents go to bed. Bar crawlers begin the process of acquiring their holiday drunkenness.

Midnight approaches.

The clock tower in the Cathedral of Quasxthe in the Crown District of Endeesy ticks over from 11:59, and the mighty bell begins its twelvefold tolling: BO-o-...

The bell, having tolled half of once, trails off, as if it has forgotten how to bell.

Mournful moans are heard through the increasingly farty-smelling fog.

Zombies! Some of whom are fresh, some of whom are decaying and dirt-encrusted.

Following the trail of zombies leads the party north, to a graveyard in the Resentment Ward. The zombies are discovered to be animated by worms squirming under their skin (a miniboss zombie acts as Spawn of Kyuss).

A 400-year-old mausoleum, dating to the early centuries of the Inundation, proves to be the resting place of the Mermaid Queen Riefya I Arielid "the Black".

A party member recollects a fact about Riefya "the Black": that she was found, after her death, to have secretly been a cultist of Asya, goddess of all that is disgusting.

The lock on the door, being 400 years old and having been underwater most of that time, has become more of a jam. But somebody has already broken the jam. But somebody subsequently cast an arcane lock on the door. But the rogue breaks the arcane lock.

Within the tomb, reality is distorted. The air is fetid and moist. The stairs down are greasy. The walls are fleshy and moist. It is not a throat, but it desperately wants to be a throat.

At the bottom of the stairs, the tomb of Riefya has expanded from a small room to a large acid-lake cavern, as if it wants to be a stomach.

A sarcophagus stands on a raised dais in the middle of the acid lake. A mage stands by the sarcophagus, incanting a ritual.

He is Vyndoc Hogkt, a descendant of the Hogkt family that ruled the Asya-worshipping Plaguelord nation while it existed in the first century before the Inundation. (He is a Mage, with spells swapped out for poison- and acid-related spells.)

His ritual concludes, and an oozely incarnation of Asya possessing the corpse of Queen Riefya joins combat. (She uses the stat of a Black Pudding, except she can throw acid gobbets -- her Pseudopod has a 60' range.)

If the party kills Riefya!Asya first, Vyndoc sacrifices himself to regenerate and empower her. If the party kills Vyndoc first, Riefya!Asya eats his corpse and is regenerated and empowered. Either way, it is a two-stage boss fight. (The amalgamation boss has a combination of the abilities of its components, and then some.)

The party defeats Vyndoc, Riefya, and Asya, and prevents Bad Things from happening.

Time progresses from midnight once they emerge from the tomb.

Hoobynoob did not come on Freday the 13th because of Vyndoc (that's an unsolved mystery), but since it did, and both 13 and Hoobynoob are sacred to Asya, he took it as auspicious to enact his plan.

How the Bonelord Stole Driftmas

On the last day of the year, three Guildmasters of the Endeesy Adventurer's Guild -- Ruthmin Tern the Assassin Rogue, Christopher the Paladin, and Lyra the Stars Druid -- were chilling in the Guildmasters' Lounge when seven driftmas fey popped through a portal, begging for their assistance. It turned out that Saint Usla, in charge of Driftmas, had been kidnapped by fire creatures.

The Guildmasters tracked the scorch-trail from the Driftmas Demiplane, to the Transitory Holiday Demiplane, to the Hoobynoob Demiplane.

They found (and broke into) a laboratory guarded by salamanders, where Saint Usla had recently been, but she (and the Professor, one of Hoobynoob's people) had already been stolen by disgusting creatures.

In the laboratory greenhouse, they found a construct named Sam, who was very concerned that Jaq the Gourd Duke, in charge of Hoobynoob, had been acting very strangely, including with this peculiar plan for Saint Usla.

They went to Jaq's mansion, where they were hired by Jaq to recover the Professor. Jaq's theory was that Neepkag the Bogeyperson, who had been in charge of Hangadh-Buain-Noiche before the Burning Hate took it from Asya and put Jaq in charge as the Incandescent Bonelord of Heckbound Night (long before Dalya took over, renamed it to Hoobynoob, and made Jaq the Gourd Duke), wanted to carry out Jaq's own plan, but to their own benefit.

(Jaq's plan was to split his two personalities -- the Incandescent Bonelord following the Burning Hate, and the Gourd Duke following Dalya -- putting one into Saint Usla, so that each could be in charge of their own holiday. The Professor had all the details, it involved a plant that had been grafted with black dahlias and orange lilies, which through the laws of similarity could split the two personalities if ungrafted, and then graft the orange lilies onto a sunflower, representing Saint Usla's Numiel.)

The Guildmasters went to the Bogeyperson's cave, defeated them, rescued Usla, and were declared Nice and deserving of many presents by Usla. They returned the Professor to Jaq, who now owes them an unspecified favor.

Dual Types

I have heard tell that, early in the development of 5e, the notion of creatures/races with two Types was thrown around, and eventually ruled against. I don't know how it was meant to work at the time, but it does fill a much-needed gap.

Early on in published 5e, PCs could only be Humanoid. The Eberron book made Warforged simply Humanoid, rather than the old 3.5e jerry-rig of Construct(living construct) that made them technically Constructs but also work for PC purposes (mostly resurrection).

Then, later on, they abandoned that principle and started publishing races that are other Types, such as the Fairy in Wild Beyond the Witchlight. They had realized it's not super important for PCs to be Humanoid -- although there are still no properly Undead options (the three Lineages in Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft are Humanoid, but with various Undead-esque properties). I hear tell there is or will be an actual Construct option (the Autognome?).

My solution to there being no Undead PC options, Warforged being nonsensically Humanoid, and so on: bring back dual Types!

• Some races -- including warforged (humanoid/construct), tiefling (humanoid/fiend), aasimar (humanoid/celestial), dragonborn (humanoid/dragon), kobold (humanoid/dragon), and alithi elves (humanoid/plant) -- have dual creature type.
• If any favorable effect would affect either or both of your types, it affects you.
• If any unfavorable effect would affect one of your types but not the other, you can be affected by it but you have advantage on saves against it.
• If any effect would affect neither of your types, you are immune to it.
• If any effect would affect both of your types, you do not gain immunity or resistance to it from your types.

The one peculiarity here is: what happens if you have an effect that has a positive effect on one of your Types and a negative effect on your other Type? I'm not sure if there are any actual effects that heal a living thing but do radiant damage to Undead, but a character with both the Humanoid and Undead Types would have to deal with it if it does. My instinct is that you are affected by both -- you are, in that example, healed and take radiant damage (albeit with advantage on any saves against it). But this is a rare enough circumstance that I'd leave it up to individual DM adjudication.

Random Regnal Nickname Table v3.0

So we have random regnal nickname tables v1 and v2. The first one creates very realistic, Crusader Kings/real history nicknames. Having now tried the second one, it turns out to create some very bizarre nicknames -- most rulers in real history don't have multiple nicknames, but this one generates mostly 2-3 nickname rulers. If you want a nice balance, consider:

Roll d20:

* 1-6 not noteworthy enough to have a nickname 

* 7-10 "the Noun" 

* 11-14 "the Verber" 

* 15-18 "the Adjective" 

* 19 Roll on Table 1 

* 20 Roll on Table 2

Old Bounties

 Currently posted on the corkboard in the Adventurer's Guild, the glorified tavern near the heart of the wretched hive of scum and villainy that is Endeesy, there is a map and a number of notes (in order from oldest to newest):

---

Map

PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS MAP, IT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY TO ALL OUR CUSTOMERS

---

A Bride For The King

By order of His Royal Majesty Terek, Second of His Name, King of Gus, Vice-Admiral of the Dread Fleet, Ninth Count Rogan, and Emperor of the Mongrelfolk:

The king desires, to be brought before him for marriage, the most beautiful woman to be found in the all the reaches of the cosmos, whomsoever she may be. The reward to any man who brings such a woman to the King shall earn the eternal gratitude of the kingdom and ten thousand platinum coins, or some equivalent favour.

Addendum from the Dowager Queen: This woman must additionally be clever, competent, capable of defending herself in battle, and should preferably bring an alliance to some powerful nation. If these conditions are met, the queen will see to it that he who completes this task shall have his greatest desire fulfilled to the greatest extent of possibility.

---

Coded Message

---

Dragon Hunt

Sir Randolph of the Kingsguard offers the following standing bounties:

1,000 gold for the head or plate and horns of a brass dragon.

1,500 gold for the head or horns and frill of a silver dragon.

2,000 gold for the head or horns of a copper dragon.

2,500 gold for the head or crest of a bronze dragon.

7,500 gold for the head or barbels of a gold dragon.

Juvenile or younger dragons shall earn half the listed bounty, while old and older dragons shall earn twice the listed bounty. Additionally:

500 gold for the head of a metallic half-dragon of any race.

250 gold for the head of an individual of any race partially descended from a metallic dragon.

750 gold for the head of any Dragonborn of Numiel, who are always metallic.

Moreover:

2,500 gold for a live chromatic half-dragon individual of any race.

1,250 gold for a live individual of any race partially descended from a chromatic dragon.

ADDENDUM: By order of His Royal Majesty Terek, Second of His Name, King of Gus, Vice-Admiral of the Dread Fleet, Ninth Count Rogan, and Emperor of the Mongrelfolk:

The Dragonborn known as Scarecrow is to be left alone, and not targeted for this bounty.

---

Engineer Headhunting

By order of His Royal Majesty Terek, Second of His Name, King of Gus, Vice-Admiral of the Dread Fleet, Ninth Count Rogan, and Emperor of the Mongrelfolk:

As befits a state of war between two nations, the king offers a standing bounty for the destruction, capture, or other removal from engineer hands, of any engineer-controlled submarine.

This shall earn a captain a letter of marque and official status as a privateer for the kingdom of Gus, with all the rights and responsibilities due thereto. Additionally, a reward of 1,500 platinum coins per submarine shall be granted. Additionally, engineers, sea- or war-forged, or githzerai, captured while working for or with the engineer nation against Gus, shall earn a bounty of 25 platinum coins per captive. The heads of engineers, sea- or war-forged, or githzerai, killed while working for or with the engineer nation against Gus, shall earn a bounty of 10 platinum coins per head.

---

Oliphaunt Snax

 

---

Demon Infestation

As many may already be aware, the countryside has been plagued by foul and fiendish beasts, issuing forth from the caves and mines of Mount Dis. As a protector of the Realm, I feel it my duty to investigate, but other duties keep me occupied between N.D.C. and the Omorashi border. As such, I issue the following bounties:

For concrete, verifiable information regarding the ultimate source of the infestation: 2,500 gold

For a detailed map leading from the surface to the ultimate source of the infestation: 5,000 gold

For the temporary or permanent stoppage of the infestation, by any means: 50,000 gold

Bounty posted by Sir Nakazawa of the Kingsguard

---

Pumayyaton's Statue

Seeking the following effects, in any form – spell, scroll, wand, wish or limited wish, or miscellaneous:

Animate Object

Permanency

Stone to Flesh

Awaken Construct

See Pumayyaton the Sculptor. Rewards include a powerful elephant statuette, a taciturn yet loyal Dread Guard, a snarky yet effective sword, or elegant custom-crafted statuary.

---

Justice For Prior Trakis

REWARD:

Information sought leading to the whereabouts of a band of evil adventurers who broke into the monastery on Perch Hill, terrorized the monks, and murdered Prior Trakis, a paladin of the faith. See Abbot Waxter at the Monastery with any information. Be on the lookout for a group consisting of:

an orc-descended man, in possession of a horse

an engineer man

an Omorashi human woman

an elf by the name of Aramil Silverleaf, with a scar over one eye

two additional human or elf men

Be warned: these individuals are armed and extremely dangerous. They may be in league with an evil erinyes devil – this creature is very powerful and should not be engaged without proper training.

They may also be in possession of copies of several volumes of the Evil Encyclopedia of Evil – if found, these books should not be read and may be returned to the Monastery for an additional reward of 250 gold pieces each.

Authorized by Numiel’s Archbishop of Shell, Jov Sauart

---

The Evil Encyclopedia of Evil

Interested parties seek copies of any volumes from the Evil Encyclopedia of Evil. Bring these documents to the Cathedral of Quasxthe; ask for Viblet Kewne. The reward shall be 1,000 gold pieces per volume.

---

Ruins in the Mines

The proprietors of the Tiv-Beckett Cold-Iron Mine no longer need the mines cleansed of centipedes, as they have been thoroughly dealt with. However, as a notice to the public, we have struck ancient ruins of an underground civilization in our digging. We offer no reward for exploring these ruins, but adventurous types may choose to investigate nonetheless.

---

Join The Adventurer's Guild

Becoming a Member of the Adventurer’s Guild carries a flat fee of 25gp. Among other benefits, Members get a 50% discount on rooms, food, and drinks at the Guild, and may request rescue party insurance for each mission they undertake.

A member of the Adventurer’s Guild may become a Journeyman if he finds and returns one of the five Journeyman’s Keys, hidden somewhere in the caves and dungeons of Mount Dis. Among other benefits, Journeymen get free room and food at the Guild, and receive a 5% discount at participating adventurer supply stores.

A Journeyman may become a Guild Master upon completion of some special quest for the Guild Masters. Among other benefits, the discount at participating adventurer supply stores increases to 10% for a Master.

Members of all levels must pay dues of 5gp per month.

---

Join The Mage's Guild

Levethixi, vorastrixi, vur lyrik xiekivi svaust klae wer suiaerl auneli, usv tikilvi sweekmonir ekess xkhat mishun: siofme voranir ekess wer hertan di hewi. Drekim vin kamati persvek wer hertan ui aaiovew aurix vur asildk aurix rinovup welun. Nezcaubolic re vi cuaili sva wer hertan, zadl ekess shio yorir ini hertan ankini, zadl ekess wer kivan korshim ihk tija kirmipri, vur zadl ekess kemir vur vdri cuailiri.

Translation for characters who can read Draconic: <Wizards, Sorcerers, and other Wielders of the arcane Arts, or any One seeking to become Such: consider joining the Mage’s Guild. Apprenticeship in the Guild is 50gp plus 10gp per Month. Benefits include a Room at the Guild, Access to all Lectures by Guild Teachers, Access to the vending Machine for material Components, and Access to Training and Meditation Rooms.>

---

Mad Druidry

The Mad Druid Seye Ipivi demands components for a mad ritual of his own devising:

the spleen of a seven-horned sheep

seven leaves from seven treants

the acidic saliva of a green dragon

seven vials of anarchic water

seven ears from seven elves

a topaz, a sapphire, a ruby, a pearl, an opal, a diamond, and an aquamarine

The Mad Druid shall well reward bringers of these things, to the tune of 100 gold for each individual item!

---

Rename the Endeesy Five

On a bounty board in an inn in Noodleton:

For Sale: Right to the Name of this Fab Five, formerly known as 'Endeesey Five'. You can purchase and we'll call our group in the name of your choice! Justine's Justice League? Noodleton Noodlers? You pay the money, you pick the name! Contact the Man in Red for more info.

---

Slay Sewer Monsters

By Order of Sir Nelson of the Kingsguard:

To increase safety for the workers in the sewers, the Crown offers 1 platinum coin for every destroyed monster in the sewers under the Crown District.

---

Ingredients for Sir Winden

Sir Winden of the Kingsguard will pay one thousand gold pieces for a live troll, which he seeks for medical experiments.

Additionally, he requires at least one vial of the blood of some petrifying creature -- a medusa, cockatrice, basilisk, or the like. For this he will pay five hundred gold pieces.

---

Retrieve Wizard’s Familiar

A Mage of the Mage’s Guild, Dr. Paul Wal-Dover, has lost his beloved cat familiar, Papageno. He suspects he was kidnapped for the exotic menagerie of Wang Port in the Omorashi Empire. He can afford to pay with his half-expended Staff of the Woodlands if Papageno is returned to him.

While you’re at it, bringing Dr. Wal-Dover any interesting live magical beasts from the menagerie for study would be rewarded with gratitude, though he cannot afford to pay for this service.

---

Vigilante Justice

By Order of Sheriff Clarissa Ten-Jones:

An individual known as the Violet Shadow has been gruesomely and extrajudicially killing criminals and stringing them up in public places. Pay no attention to the popular esteem for this vigilante; her executions are not the justice of the Crown, and a stop must be put to them.

REWARD

For information leading to the arrest of the Violet Shadow: 1,000gp

For the death of the Violet Shadow: 2,500gp

For bringing the Violet Shadow in alive for trial: 5,000gp

---

Protect an Eladrin from an Inevitable

I, Sir Joseph of the Kingsguard, have taken under my protection a tiny Coure Eladrin. This poor celestial creature, having inadvertently violated ancient pacts and natural laws in her fight against Evil, finds herself on the run from a Zelekhut Inevitable bent on enforcing the Law.

For the defeat of this Inevitable, or otherwise helping me to protect this Eladrin from it, I offer up to 5,000 gold.

---

Supplies for Repair

The crew of the Mango Mango, a [scribbled out] ship, currently parked in Worchestershire, seeks supplies to repair their [scribbled out]

We seek:

boots of levitation, winged boots, broom of flying, or carpet of flying, 7000gp

a fan feather token, 250gp

an anchor feather token, 40gp

salve of slipperiness, 900gp

sovereign glue, 2000gp

universal solvent, 40gp

some small chunks of elementum, (keyed to any element is fine) or dragonshards, 5000gp

---

Koprulu Invasion of Romus

News has filtered in from Romus that the Fylkir of Inglip, Latya Koprulu, having received mysterious instructions from her god, has gathered an army of gropagas (priests) and slaads (Outsiders from the Chaotic Plane of Air) and launched an invasion of eastern Romus.

Numiel's Archbishop of Shell and the local Abbot of the Monastery of Numiel at Perch Hill have sent out word that all true Numielites are encouraged to join the fight against the forces of chaos.

Contrariwise, the local gropagas of Inglip at the Inglip Temple and Arena Complex have sent out word that all followers of Inglip are encouraged to join the fight on the side of chaos.

---

Slay the Enormous Bententacled Monstrosity

Sir Nelson has been told that at the center of the top level of dwarven ruins under Mount Dis dwells trapped an enormous betentacled undead monstrosity of truly prodigious size. Though trapped, this creature remains a dangerous menace to all life. Destroy this creature and I am authorized to grant a reward of a single book or scroll of your choice from the Royal Library or a single article of your choice from the Royal Armory.

---

A Bride for Viscount Appleton

Mardero Haight, the Viscount Appleton desires the affections of a certain Kathleen, wench at the Hungry Owlbear tavern in Appleton, but she has thus far spurned him. If anyone were to coerce her to return the Viscount's affections, by any means necessary, he would reward them with a fully functioning and profitable apple orchard, complete with servants and workers, recently seized for non-payment of taxes.

If anyone brings up this bounty in the presence of anybody prone to gossip, one discovers that the Viscount Appleton is a man of fearsome reputation, his appearance and appetites described as each more terrible than the other. No telling what truth there is to these rumors.

---

Ask Your Cleric About Nerzohexoate

Do you feel sad sometimes? Do you suffer from angst? Does unbearable existential dread get you down? Are you plagued by a persistent feeling of doom or despair? Ask your cleric if Nerzohexoate is right for you!

(Side-effects of Nerzohexoate may include, but are not limited to: light sensitivity, erectile dysfunction, inflammation of the splanch, constipation, anal leakage, polydactylism, sneezing, eructation, projectile vomiting, hypochondria, thirst, sinus or ear infection, mild electrocution, albinism, dizziness, nymphomania, sensory overload, cardiac arrest, and death.)

---

Billiam & Billiam, Attys at Law

Hurt by adventurers? Adventurer-related medical bills piling up? Victim of theft or robbery by adventurers? Had your perfectly legal business or religious practices disrupted by adventurers?

Contact Billiam and Billiam, Attorneys at Law, Licensed Knave's Guild Affiliates!

---

Put Down Peasant Revolt

By order of His Royal Majesty Terek, Second of His Name, King of Gus, Vice-Admiral of the Dread Fleet, Ninth Count Rogan, and Emperor of the Mongrelfolk:

It has come to our attention that an insurrectionist known to the people as Milla Hillthorn has been rallying the peasants of the Northeast in revolt. When the guards of Reachham seek her, she is nowhere to be found, perhaps warned of her pursuers in advance.

REWARD

For information leading to the arrest of Milla Hillthorn: 1,500gp

For the death of Milla Hillthorn: 3,000gp

For bringing Milla Hillthorn in alive for public punishment: 6,000gp

3.5e Lizardfolk and Myconid Monster Classes

Lizardfolk Racial Traits

Level	BAB	HD	Fort	Ref	Will	Class Features
1	+0	1d8	+0	+2	+0	+1 Natural Armor, 2 Claws (1d4), +2 Strength, -2 Intelligence, +2 Swim
2	+1	2d8	+0	+3	+0	+3 natural Armor, +2 Balance, +2 Jump
3	+1	2d8	+0	+3	+0	+5 Natural Armor, Hold Breath, 1 Bite (1d4), +2 Constitution, +4 Balance, Jump, Swim

• Skills: The lizard folk gains 4 x (2 + Int modifier) skill points at level 1. Its class skills are Balance(Dex), Jump(Str), and Swim(Str). At level 2 the Lizard folk gains 2 + Int modifier skill points. A Lizardfolk does not gains any skill points at level 3.
• Ability Adjustments: 1st Level: +2 Strength, -2 Intelligence 3rd Level: +2 Constitution
• Weapon and Armor Proficiency: A lizardfolk is proficient with simple weapons and shields.
• Racial Skill Bonuses: At level 1 a lizard folk gains +2 racial bonus to swim checks. This bonus increases to +4 at level 3. At level 2 a lizard folk gains a +2 racial bonus to both jump and balance checks. These bonuses increase to +4 at level 3.
• Natural Armor: At 1st level a lizard folk has a +1 Natural Armor bonus. This increases by 2 at each level, thus at 2nd level the natural armor bonus is +3 and at 3rd level it is +5.
• Natural Weapons: At Level 1, a lizard folk has 2 claw attacks (1d4 damage). At level 3 a lizardfolk gains a bite attack (1d4 damage).
• Hold Breath: At level 3 a lizardfolk can hold its breath for a number of rounds equal to four times its Constitution score before it risks drowning.
• Automatic Languages: Common, Draconic.
• Bonus Languages: Aquan, Goblin, Gnoll, Orc.
• Favored Class: Druid

Myconid Racial Traits

• Racial Traits:
  • Tiny Plant
  • -2 Str, +2 Dex, -2 Int, +2 Wis.
  • Land speed 20 feet.

• Plant Traits:
  • Low-light vision.
  • Immunity to all mind-affecting effects (charms, compulsions, phantasms, patterns, and morale effects).
  • Immunity to poison, sleep effects, paralysis, polymorph, and stunning.
  • Not subject to critical hits.
  • Plants breathe and eat, but do not sleep.

• Automatic languages: none. Bonus languages: common, terran, undercommon, drow sign language. Myconids have no mouths and so cannot speak any language that requires speech, but they can understand, read, and write any language they know. Some take the time to learn drow sign language, to communicate with outsiders without using rapport spores.

• Class Skills: Diplomacy, Intimidate, Knowledge (nature), Listen, Move Silently, Profession (farmer), Profession (herbalist), Sense Motive, Spot, Survival.

Level	HD	BAB	Fort	Ref	Will	Skill Points	Age Range	Special
1st	1d8	0	2	0	0	(2+INT)x4	4-8	Feat, slam 1d3, Tiny
2nd	1d8	0	2	0	0		4-8	+2 Dex, +2 Cha, distress spores
3rd	2d8	1	3	0	0	(2+INT)	8-12	+2 Str, +2 Con, +2 Int, +1 natural armor, slam 1d4, Small, reproduction spores
4th	3d8	2	3	1	1	(2+INT)	12-16	Feat, +2 Str, -2 Dex, slam 1d6, Medium
5th	3d8	2	3	1	1		12-16	+2 Cha, +2 Wis, rapport spores
6th	4d8	3	4	1	1	(2+INT)	16-20	+2 Str, +2 Con, pacification spores
7th	5d8	3	4	1	1	(2+INT)	20-24	+2 Str, +2 natural armor, slam 1d8, Large
8th	5d8	3	4	1	1		20-24	+2 Con, +2 Wis, hallucination spores
9th	6d8	4	5	2	2	(2+INT)	24+	Feat, +2 Str, +2 Int, +2 Cha, Potion Making, animation spores

• Proficiencies: Slam attack only. Not proficient with any armor.
• Feats: All characters gain a feat at first level and every three hit dice thereafter. A myconid with no class levels will gain these feats at 1st, 5th, and 11th levels.
• Age Range: Myconids are unlike other monster classes in that they advance through hit dice by age.
  • If a character’s age is below the lower age limit for a level in the myconid monster class, they may not take that level, and must take a player class level instead.
  • If a character’s age is over the upper age limit for their current myconid level, they may not take levels in any class other than the myconid class.
• Slam Attack: At 1st level, a myconid has a slam attack which does 1d3 damage. The damage for this slam attack increases as indicated at levels 3, 4, and 7.
• Size Change: At 1st level, a myconid is Tiny, with a space/reach of 2.5/2.5, a size bonus of +2 to attacks and AC, a size bonus of +8 to Hide checks, and a penalty of -8 to bull rush, grapple, overrun, and trip attempts.
  • At 3rd level, the myconid grows to Small. Its space/reach increases to 5/5, its size bonus to attacks and AC drops to +1, its size bonus to Hide checks drops to +4, and its penalty to bull rush, grapple, overrun, and trip attempts drops to -4.
  • At 4th level, the myconid grows to Medium. Its size bonuses to attacks and AC, Hide checks, and penalty to bull rush, grapple, overrun, and trip attempts are all reduced to 0.
  • At 7th level, the myconid grows to Large. It gains a size bonus of +4 to bull rush, grapple, overrun, and trip attempts, a penalty of -1 to attack and AC, and a penalty of -4 to Hide checks.
• Spores: As a standard action, a myconid of 2nd level or higher can release a cloud of spores. At 3rd, 5th, 6th, 8th, and 9th level, a myconid gains a new variety of spore but does not lose access to the previous varieties. Each type of spore can be used a number of times per day equal to the myconid’s total Hit Dice (including class levels). A level 5 myconid, for example, has the first three spores (distress, reproduction, and rapport), and it can use each variety three times per day. The DC for saves to resist the effect of spores is equal to 10 + the myconid’s Wisdom modifier. Spores can be released either in a 120-foot spread or as a 40-foot ranged touch attack against a single target, as noted in the individual descriptions.
  • Distress: These spores alert all other myconids within the area that danger is near. They are released in a 120-foot spread.
  • Reproduction: These spores eventually germinate into new infant myconids. They are released as a 120-foot spread and have no detrimental effects on nonmyconids. A dying myconid of 3rd level or higher will automatically release reproduction spores.
  • Rapport: Myconids do not speak, but these spores enable them to establish telepathic communication with each other and with outsiders. A successful Fortitude saving throw negates the effect, but it is harmless. Rapport last for 30 to 60 minutes with outsiders, but for 8 hours with other myconids. Rapport spores can be released as either a 120-foot spread or a 40-foot ranged touch attack. Regardless of the release area, communication range is 120 feet once rapport is established.
  • Pacification: These spores are released as a 40-foot ranged touch attack. The target must make a Fortitude saving throw or become passive for 1 minute. Being passive is similar to being dazed, except that the target can take move actions that don’t involve attacking. This is a mind-affecting compulsion effect.
  • Hallucination: These spores are released as a 40-foot ray. The target must make a Fortitude saving throw or suffer powerful hallucinations that duplicate the effects of a confusion spell for 1 hour.
  • Animation: When released over a dead body, animation spores begin a process that covers the corpse with purple fungus. After 1d4 days, the corpse reanimates as a servant under the control of the myconid. A servant has all the characteristics of a zombie of the same size, except that it retains its previous creature type and it cannot be turned or otherwise affected as an undead. Over the course of 1d6 weeks a myconid-animated corpse slowly decays. At the end of that period it simply disintegrates into dust.
• Potion Making: A myconid of 9th level or higher may choose the Brew Potion feat, even if it is not a caster (this is not a bonus feat). It can duplicate the following effects as a cleric or druid once per day (but only for the purpose of brewing potions): bull’s strength, cure light wounds, cure moderate wounds, cure serious wounds, delay poison, endurance, endure elements, greater magic fang, invisibility to animals, lesser restoration, magic fang, negative energy protection, neutralize poison, protection from elements, remove blindness/deafness, remove disease, remove paralysis, resist elements.